Thursday, June 30, 2005

Should I be happy now?

It was a dark and stormy night. The rain was beating down my roof's top, and I could hear it distinctly as it it was trying to say something... Something very important; something that would change my life forver...

I was sitting a front my computer's screen, and writing as usual, some lines of code in C++, thinking about what to do next, and how to irradicate the errors from the program when... suddenly, out of nowhere, I hear the sound of bells ringing.. and it is a loud sound mind you. Numbed by the monitor screen, and contant exposure to harmless rays emiting from the monoitor, I fail to comprehend where it is coming from, when.... almost as sudden as thunder, it struck me that it was the phone. I swiftly swooped down my wings, and made a clean sweep. With the receiver in my hands, I had the liberty to speak into it... yes. The freedom of speech. I simply love it. I thrust the receiver into my stinking mouth and uttered the holy word: "hello". The person on the other side as if expecting the reply said "Namaste".

For a few seconds, I could not believe my ears. This word could only be uttered by members of one of Vasai's biggest gangs. It would not be wise to name them now. I was by then scared to death, but somehow mustered the courage to inhale a bit of air, and modulate my voice to say "yes". This is probably the only thing one can say to these people. They will generally not take "no" for an answer. He spoke as if in a very point-to-point and direct manner and said "stop coding"... For a few seconds I wondered whereby he knew of my ongoing activities, but then realized that these people had spies working for them in every nook and corner of the city. Before any more words could be exchanged, the phone clicked... He had put down the receiver. I had no option but to obey. Otherwise, I ran the risk of being executed.

After a few seconds, I pressed the dreaded keys, Ctrl-X + Xtrl+C. Emacs had been put to sleep... Rather a deep and unforgiving slumber. I could hear it telling me to have mercy, and re-spawn the process, but my life is quite dear to me.

Two days passed and still there was no call from anyone regarding when I could resume coding. I was getting restless. It's almost as if I had been kept hungry for a couple of days. That's when I went to the kitchen, eat the largest meal I've ever had, and decided; "I shall not eat of drink till I have resumed coding".

My resolve to confront these group of people who want to disrupt other people's lives was growing just as the bacteria multiply. It was growing in stature by the second; just a my hunger was gaining some serious momentum. That was when I decided... Enough is enough; someone had to stand up and sort out thing with them. I took the bold step to adorn my stupendous jeans and Google t-shirt, and put on my trusted footwear[a pair of floaters], and steped out of my house with only Rs 28/- in my pocket. Enough to purchase a return ticket to Vasai.

On reaching Vasai, I had no clue as to where I should begin looking for them. I tried asking some people for directions but I didn't know what place I was looking for myself. So, that plan failed miserably. Then a sudden flash of brilliance; as if magically enterd my bird-brain. I proudly walked up to the next person that I saw, and said "Namaste". I could see this plan also back-fire, when his face turned the palest of while, and he fainted on the spot. I was now convinced that I was dealing with a gang that had instilled death-like fear into the minds of the people living there. "This brutallity must be stopped", I said to myself.

Treading on fearlessly into the dark, I reached a solitary cottage, away from all known civilization. I figured this was the place, since there was no soul in sight. Standing a good 3 metres out the porch, I shouted out as loud as I could, gathering all my energy "Show yourself up, you fear-instiller". And out from the roof came a caped creature, with his frock blazing away with the wind. His outline was distinctly visible in the beautiful setting sun, which had just about a few minutes left to dissapear and appear on the other side of the earth, and shed light on their sorrows. He spoke in a very commanding tone and said "So, you have finally arrived, you greedy bandwidth seeking creature". I was taken aback at the way in which he spoke and the confidence he exuded. After all, he was wearing his underwear atop his pants. Pulling out his shimmering sword which shone brightly in the setting sun, almost blindig me, he uttered the following words which I shall never forget for all long as I live: "I am the ruler of the Dial-upers, and off later broad-band seekers have been infiltrating into our territory. I shall not allow this adultration to happen, and shall take ncessary steps to erradicate all high-bandwidth spots on this planet. You shall find yourself in dial-up hell after some time, miscreaeant". With that, and and one fell swoop of his weapon, I fell to the ground; unconscious, motionless.

When I awoke, I found these really sexy chicks around me dancing all around to the sound of holy rhythmis tunes being chanted in the background. I said to myself "yeah!". Then, I logged on to a computer which had my name on it. 4 CPU, AMD 64-bit, 64GB RAM, RAID-1, 3TB disk space, and loaded with all the possible songs I would have dreamt of. I fired up firefox, logged into gmail, and am writing this mail now. Btw, I now realized what that demi-god ment when he said "You shall find yourself in dial-up hell after some time, miscreaeant". I am in dial-up hell because we have 10mbps leased lines per user here! I am in broad-band heaven!