Sunday, November 12, 2006

Cotton 56 Polyester 84

Well, I have just gotten back home. It's 12:30am, and I've got to get up at 5:30am!!!! What the f*** am I doing writing this???? Digressing a bit, why was I out so late???? God alone knows!!!! Was I roaming the steets of the city in search of something.... Well maybe.... Maybe is such a 50-50 word, isn't it. It's as good as saying nothing at all. So, now that we've established that the last few lines meant absolutely nothing, lets get back to business. Well, I've made a promise to a classmate to write an essay(????), and I shall try to fulfil it. Let me say that I generally take on anything only if I know I shall be able to give it more than my 100%. However, considering that it' soooo late, please don't come and strangle me if I haven't met expectations, or as a wise(and very great) friend has told me "lower your expectations".... ;-) So, here goes nothing:

Topic(I think): Humorous day for an elderly individual at the ATM.

Well assume for a while that I am an elderly individual -- well knock that grin off that pretty face of yours ;-).... Anyways, getting back.... I (randomly????) decided one day that I needed to withdraw money from the ATM to:
[1] Pay the house rent.
[2] Grand-Children's school fees.
[3] Youngest son's girlfriend's movie tickets.
[4] Eldest son's knee operation.
[5] Vasectomy for myself -- I'm already feeling sorry for you dames out there ;-) Plus, I'm finding it impossible to manage so many people!!!! A necessary evil for a weak-willed male :P
[6] Saree for my wife -- wait; isn't it too late for that???? nay.... it's never too late for love :-)

On reaching the ATM, realized that I may not have enough money for the tasks at hand. So, I thought that I would do a balance check before I withdrew any money. But wait!!!! there's someone already trying to do something in the ATM room(is that what it's called????). I decided to wait patiently outside, waiting for him to be done, after which I would do my stuff. I couldn't help notice that he was wearing a topi, and was looking thoroughly confused. Well, maybe he didn't know how to use an ATM???? that bugger was taking like forever to withdraw cash.... Yes, and i was beginning to lose it by the second. but wait a minute.... buzurg logon ko gussa shobha nahin deta naa.... naaaah.... that's old school. Hum toh aaj ke buddhay hain ;-)
Well, so I decided to give that guy a piece of my mind[I know it's a rarity these days, but what the heck!!!!].... &#*$%@&@*#. He simply ran out of there carrying 3 notes of Rs. 100/- each, and 3 transaction reciepts.... I was left wondering what he would have done if he wanted Rs 1000/-. Damn, but forget about that. Yes, i now had full possession of that money spitting machine. With the Visa power that I now possessed I decided to proceed with Phase-II of the plan -- Phase-I being getting into the ATM booth. i remember having heard the phrase "With great power comes great responsibility....". i decided to just shove aside these philosophical thoughts aside for the while that i was rubbing my hands in glee for the moment that the moneeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy would come out.
I inserted the card -- wrongly for the first 3 times -- and now that it was in, I decided to crack my fingernails(????), and crank those rusty joints and buttons on the ATM machine. Tick-Tick-Tick-Tick. Yes, that's the noise you get when you indert your pin no. Incorrect PIN!!!! came the pat reply.... i was like "howz that possible????" I tried two more times, and the same reply was forthcoming. Forth time, and tha machine said that "my card has now been disabled".... I went "what theeeeee......". this can't be happening to me!!!! Subah subah kis kalmoohe kii shakal dekh lee.... Zaroor woh saala chootiya hoga, jisko ATM istamaal karne ko nahin aata thaa....
I was just cursing myself, when I woke up to the shuddering realization that my card had also been gobbled up by the machine.... So, not only would i have to get a new pin, but a new card altogether. Just when i thought things couldn't go any worse, I get a call from my cell phone company saying that i haven't payed the bill for my phone for the last three months, and if i don't immediately, then services will be discontinued.
i feel a pinch, but relief at the same time, knowing that I still have my credit card, with which I can make payments. The cell phone company's payment booth is just next door. So, I stroll out of the booth, and into the phone company's payment counter. When it comes time to pay the bill, I thrust out my -- wait DEBIT CARD!!!! -- Damn!!!! I was trying the debit card pin with the credit card, and now I have like nothing in my debit account.... I am so f****** screwed!!!! Hehehe: i remember having the same feeling 9 months before munnu was born, but that was in a totally different context. man.... what am i to do now????
i'm dazed and confused.... with no more thoughts left in me. I feel that I was more in control of myself like two months ago when things were going along just fine before I met this gorgeous woman. Not only is she dazzling, but pretty damn smart too.... take my word for it. i was supposed to tell her something.... but did I???? did it register???? God alone knows.... Maybe -- the maybe!!!! -- she is thinking about me???? I'll never know. If you thought that this were the end of my problems, then you are sadly mistaken, because I am supposed to go on a date with her, and I have zilch in my pocket in terms of money. Trust me, you don't want to find yourself in my situation....

Well, as you can see, not only am I so screwed, but my life is a total mess, not to mention my second wife.... So, all you people who think that you life sux, read this, and well.... "get a life!!!!"

So long for now.... looking forward to meeting you again next week ;-)

ps. please pardon any spelling/grammatical/factual/emotional errors that may have crept into the above.... All errors except for one are intentional, and should not be severely dealt with. Well, if you can find the ONE inconsistency in the above piece, my respect for you shall be elevated further.... :-)

have fun!!!! and keep smiling :-)

2 comments:

Geekz Galore.. said...

Cotton 56 Polyester 84
1. the title and material do not match
2. how is that poor soul's day humorous? he got ruined.

"Damn!!!! I was trying the debit card pin with the credit card, and now I have like nothing in my debit account.... I am so f****** screwed!!!! "
how was this guy trying to withdraw money if there was nothing in his account?

yeh sab kya hai!!

dhruv said...

geekz galore:

1. The title and material definitely do not match. There is a special mapping between the post and title which only a few people know of.

2. Well, how about "I derive pleasure from other people's misery". Is that a plausible enough explanation?

There are multiple account types for each customer. Debit, Credit being two examples. If you had paid attention in your inheritance lectures, you would have known what I'm talking about. This is one of the most frequently cited examples in texts.